a) finally try to accomplish a few things around the house since I couldn't get a single thing done all day?
b) take a minute to collapse on the couch?
c) vent here on my blog?
Well, I suppose the answer is obvious. I'm going with 'c'. And, I'll tell you why.
At least when I write I can see a finished product.
When I write I can vent some of the frustration that has built up over the day.
When I write I relax a bit.
Today was not such a great day.
Actually, it's been a rough week or so.
There have been a lot of stressors and not a lot of breaks.
Momma's on the the verge of a meltdown.
And, I don't like myself when I get this way.
I thought I'd go ahead and share what I posted on Facebook this weekend. It pretty much sums it all up. This was my first post on Saturday:
Waking up to cranky kids. Bah. I'm cranky too! Can I please lay on the floor & cry and whine? On another note, I would love to go to yard sales today. I haven't gone to any all year, but I really think taking 4 boys would be counterproductive & stressful.
The next post went something like this:
I know I've posted about this a million times. But seriously, how do I keep after my house???!!!! With 4 boys & one husband it's a constant mess. I feel like a slave to my house. I feel like I shouldn't go anywhere because there's always stuff to do at my house. I'm supposed to enjoy these years with my children and not worry so much about my house. But, it's chaotic & filthy!! I can not bear it!
Facebook has a limit on how many words you can include in your post, so I added this in the comments:
I would just like to take a trash bag & throw everything in it. I know everything I'm SUPPOSED to be doing. I'm supposed to be teaching my boys to be responsible for their own things. But, I don't feel like I ever have that opportunity. I'm constantly 'putting out fires'. Spills, messes, dirty clothes , crying baby, crying 2 year old, fighting 5 & 6 year old. If I had a week maybe with no children in the house so I could make it the way it should be. Then, start fresh...maybe. But, who has a week??? I'm so tired of feeling like I'm the only one who struggles with this. It seems like everyone else has found some sort of system that works for them.
When I was single & childless, I didn't worry about this stuff. Of course, then I was responsible only for me. But, now that I'm a wife and a mother I feel like my self-worth is wrapped up in the appearance of my house, the happiness of my children. If the house is a mess & my children are grumps, I must be failing.
Oh, and the whole if 'momma ain't happy, no-one's happy' thing/ the mother controls the temperment of the home thing. Some days I really don't want that power & responsibility. I would love to just have the freedom to have a bad day & not feel guilty that I've caused bad days for everyone else in my home. Seriously!
It was that kind of day on Saturday. And, it was that kind of day today. Unfortunately there seems to be a recurring theme.
On the positive side, you would not believe the responses I got from my friends... words of encouragement & some really great insights. And, yes, I will share some of that with you, as well as some spiritual truths I'm learning in this difficult phase of motherhood. I will indeed. But not today. Because the baby is no longer happy in that swing. And, I really do need to tackle some of the chaos in the house.