I'm A Fake

I went to my Momsnext meeting today and by the end of the morning I was feeling low.  I couldn't figure out what had me down.  But, then it came to me.  I felt like I was fake.

Me!  The one who laments the fact that so many feel the need to wear a mask and won't make themselves vulnerable or real.  Well, guess what?  Me too.   I, in fact, wear many masks.

1.  It's easy for me to banter back and forth on Facebook or on blog comments.  In real life, I struggle for words.  I feel awkward and unsure of myself.  Conversation doesn't always come easily for me.

2.  I don't have it all together.  I've been posting quite a bit about my weight loss and running, some (long awaited) home improvements, etc.  On the surface it might seem like I've got it together.  I really, really don't.  I'm still the gal that never invites people over to her house because I'm afraid it's too small, ramshackle, or cluttered.  People's opinion of me might be influenced if they see where I live.  I'm also the gal who has struggled with my weight all. my. life.  It's takes an awful lot to motivate me to try to be healthy.  And, even now, I ask myself 'How long will this latest health & fitness stage last?"

3.  I'm really bad at nurturing new friendships.  I've been part of my mom's group since my oldest was a baby (he's 8 now).  There are so many women in the group who I'm drawn to and feel a connection to.  Yet, I haven't taken steps to develop those relationships into deeper friendships.  I haven't been able to make myself vulnerable enough to try.  After 8 years, why not?

And, I guess I felt so bad by the end of the morning because I realized 'Maybe I have been fake.  Maybe I haven't been real enough. '  I guess it's an even easier thing to do in this age of technology.  

Anyway, do you ever feel like it's easier to be confident, witty, etc. when you sit behind a computer screen than it is in real life?  Or are you the same in person as your bloggy/facebook persona?