Friday, November 18, 2011

I'm A Fake

I went to my Momsnext meeting today and by the end of the morning I was feeling low.  I couldn't figure out what had me down.  But, then it came to me.  I felt like I was fake.

Me!  The one who laments the fact that so many feel the need to wear a mask and won't make themselves vulnerable or real.  Well, guess what?  Me too.   I, in fact, wear many masks.

1.  It's easy for me to banter back and forth on Facebook or on blog comments.  In real life, I struggle for words.  I feel awkward and unsure of myself.  Conversation doesn't always come easily for me.

2.  I don't have it all together.  I've been posting quite a bit about my weight loss and running, some (long awaited) home improvements, etc.  On the surface it might seem like I've got it together.  I really, really don't.  I'm still the gal that never invites people over to her house because I'm afraid it's too small, ramshackle, or cluttered.  People's opinion of me might be influenced if they see where I live.  I'm also the gal who has struggled with my weight all. my. life.  It's takes an awful lot to motivate me to try to be healthy.  And, even now, I ask myself 'How long will this latest health & fitness stage last?"

3.  I'm really bad at nurturing new friendships.  I've been part of my mom's group since my oldest was a baby (he's 8 now).  There are so many women in the group who I'm drawn to and feel a connection to.  Yet, I haven't taken steps to develop those relationships into deeper friendships.  I haven't been able to make myself vulnerable enough to try.  After 8 years, why not?

And, I guess I felt so bad by the end of the morning because I realized 'Maybe I have been fake.  Maybe I haven't been real enough. '  I guess it's an even easier thing to do in this age of technology.  

Anyway, do you ever feel like it's easier to be confident, witty, etc. when you sit behind a computer screen than it is in real life?  Or are you the same in person as your bloggy/facebook persona?


  1. First off, I hope my comment this morning didn't start things.

    Second, I've been to your house and I love the character of your house! And, you are not your house!

    Ok, so if you are faker, then so am I. Have you read my blog? It is not who I am in person! I would never share that stuff with you face to face! I'd be too vulnerable!

    You are beautiful! Even if your jogging doesn't last as long as you'd like, kudos for trying! You got yourself out there!

  2. Oh my Karen I have been there I think we all have. I remember writing about one of the times it happened to me.

    You should however go and talk to the other ladies. You never know where your next great friend is hiding. And they might be feeling the same.

  3. This hits home with me, bullseye!

    I struggle to connect with other woman and the older I get, the more I actually see that I struggle. I know some of this is because of my childhood, but probably also because I don't have the "mind of Christ" as much as I should.

    I find it a TON easier to blog than to meet people in real life! I don't think of it as being fake, though ... it is just a venue where I feel more comfortable. I relax when I write and it is like therapy for me...and so if I can build relationships THAT way, I am thankful for it!

    All that said, I think there is a fine line between all you've described and truly being "fake." I haven't ever gotten an impression of "fakeness" from you. I think you are very authentic and I could easily "get" that while reading your blog. Some other blogs, notsomuch!

    Take heart, friend, you are not alone!

  4. I would never consider you fake!
    Sometimes my mom says I put myself in a bad light on my blog- letting everyone know that I am lazy or that I am not the best cleaner.
    But I feel like if I didn't write this stuff, people really wouldn't know the "real" me.
    Like the party I just threw for my daughter looked great, but I left out the part about me shoving things in my closet before everyone came.

    As for friends, invite them over. Be yourself. No one cares about the rest.

    Sometimes people ask me if I drive a brand new car or if my house is huge and I laugh. They are surprised to find out that I have spent a lot of time sharing a car with my husband or that my house is not big and needs to be completely redone. And when I invite people over, I think it puts them at ease to see that my house is old and needs work.

    So, my thought- just invite them.
    I think you are great!


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