An Angry Mom

This is a post that I want to take seriously. I don't want to be flippant. And, I don't want to be trite. This is an issue that I think many of us struggle with. And, I hope that in my honesty someone would be encouraged and would realize that she is not alone.

Have you ever read 'She's Gonna Blow' by Julie Barnhill? That's a good place to start. It would pretty much bring you up to speed on this whole issue of anger and motherhood.

But, if you haven't, I'll try to share what this has meant to me. Of course, if you struggle with this issue yourself, you'll know exactly what I'm saying.

I have always considered myself a very patient person. I never struggled with anger in my life...in the past. (Although in retrospect, I've probably done a lot of stuffing down. I'm a people pleaser by nature and anger just doesn't fit in with that. So, if I was angry, I just pushed in down and didn't really deal with it.)

Since becoming a mother, I've been forced to recognize the ugly face of anger in my own life. I've realized that I'm not beyond what I had considerd before to be one of the basest of human emotions. I always considered anger to be an 'emotion' (of sorts) that only men had to deal with.

Me an anger had nothing to do with each other. Until recently.

You see, when you become a mother suddenly life isn't just about you anymore. There are these little people who take precedent. And, they're not always rational. And, they're not always easy. And, they're not always who or what you thought they would be. They demand a lot.

And when you take a mom who is perpetually tired, who is unable to complete the simplest task (and if she does complete it, she finds it undone within minutes), a mom who barely remembers who she was before she was a mom and you combine that with these irrational little people, it's a recipe for frustration, annoyance, feelings of being overwhelmed, and anger.

At the beginning of last week I actually was not sure if I was going to write this post. It had been a couple weeks since I had a really bad run-in with my own anger and I was starting to feel pretty secure and safe in my ability to 'handle things'. The same day that I had those thoughts of 'being OK' I had a melt-down later.

You see, I want to be that calm, patient, firm yet loving mom. And, more often I find myself to be that yelling, angry mom.

And, as a mom, it's a hard pill to swallow when we realize that we aren't everything we thought we'd be as a mom. Because, let's face it. Moms carry a lot of weight in how our children grow and mature. The mistakes I make as a mother could be carried forward for generations to come.

Don't get me wrong. There are days that I'm an awesome mom. Those are the days that I pat myself on the back and congratulate myself for 'getting it right'.

Then there are the days that I melt into tears with regret at how I've 'disciplined' my child. Days that I look at myself with disgust for resorting to behavior that isn't any better than that of a child. I'm the adult and still I find myself having my own little temper tantrums, saying and doing hurtful things.

So now what? What do I do about it? I'd like to think that it's as easy as a once-and-done laying it at Jesus' feet thing. But, apparently, that's not enough. I've come to God over and over begging for grace in this area of my life. But, I keep messing up.

I guess that's the thing about surrender. It's not always a once and done thing. Sometimes we need to surrender the same issue over and over. It's not that God didn't hear or understand our request the first time. It's that our own human nature gets in the way. When things start going good we assume that we have conquered it in our own right, we get cocky, and then we stumble all over again.

This has been a tough week for me. I've failed too many times to count. My heart breaks at some of my actions and words. My heart breaks for my children.

I don't want to be irritable. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to be quick to yell.

I want to model Christ's love to my children. That's a tall order. Christ's love. Can I even begin to know or understand what that truly means?

I don't have all the answers. I'm still seeking. I'm still surrendering.

And, the thing that gives me peace and hope is that God is still listening. God is still willing and able to guide my steps, my thoughts, my actions, and my words. If I continue to surrender myself to Him.

I've Been Tagged

So, I was actually going to write my "Angry Mom" post next. But, it's time for something a bit on the lighter side don't you think?

As it turns out, Denise from Life With Four Boys...Coffee Please! tagged me with an award. Yay!

Denise's blog is one of the first blogs I ever came across. Of course she got my attention because she had 4 boys! (At the time, I think I still just had 3 boys). I love reading about Denise's adventures with her husband and boys. I really truly think our family would fit right in with them! And, Denise is just as sweet as can be. So, if you've never visited her blog you really, really should.

So, here's what I'm supposed to do...

Rules for accepting this award are:

1. Thank & Link back to the person who arwarded you this.
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Pay it forward to 5 recently discovered great bloggers.
4. Contact those bloggers and tell them about their award.

Thank you Denise!

Now Denise actually had her boys make lists of things about her that they thought her readers should know. They were super cute lists. And, I thought that was such a neat idea. However, I will be sharing my own choice of 7 items with you. If I asked my boys right now (we had one of THOSE days yesterday) you'd probably get something like....My mom is mean. My mom is unfair. My mom makes me do too much work. Etc.

Things you may or may not know about me...

1. I have my degree in elementary & early childhood education. I taught public school for two years right out of college (6th grade, then 5th grade). I then taught Kindergarten at an early learning center and went on to become the assistant director for many years and then the director for a short time before I left to have my first child. I thought I was completely prepared for anything that motherhood could throw at me...and I was not.

2. I was 30 years old when I got married (actually only 2 months away from turning 31). This is not because I was focused only on my career. It's because it took me that long to find the right guy. I always wanted to be a wife and a mother and I was starting to wonder if it would ever happen for me. So, I have a real heart for single women who wish they could find the right guy and haven't. It's hard out there.

3. I used to love to sing Karaoke. It's been ages since I've done it. But, it is SO much fun. If you've never tried it you should! My 'signature song' used to be a song by Lita Ford. Go figure. Her music was so different from what I actually listened to.

4. My husband and I got engaged in Mexico. We were with a church group on a missions trip to an orphanage in Juarez. The last day of our trip he asked me to take a walk around the orphanage compound. At one point (far away from the buildings and people) he stopped walking and just kinda stood there seeming nervous. He asked me if I would want to take a missions trip again sometime. I was like 'Sure'. Then, he asked (as he fumbled in his pocket for the ring), 'Would you like to do it as my wife?'. The rest is history. Funny thing is, we haven't gone on another missions trip yet.

5. I love antiques and vintage stuff. Some of my favorite decorative eras include Art Deco and the 40's and 50's.

6. I have a dog named Abbey. She's a black lab/golden retriever mis. She was supposed to be a family dog. But I think she thinks she's all mine. She's usually positioned directly below wherever I'm sitting. She's an awesome dog, but also very protective. She 'protects' us with her barking. And sometimes I think she barks at the wind. It makes me a little crazy and just adds a bit more to the chaos of our home.

7. I love living in the country. It's the only place for me. No thanks to the suburbs or the city. I will happily visit other places & I love that experience. But then, take me home country roads!

Ok. Whew! That took me longer than I thought it would. Now, I am to pass this on to 5 newly discovered (to me) bloggers. I love all of you so it's so hard to choose. But here are some folks I've recently added to my sidebar...

Sloan at Lucky as a Ladybug

Dwyanna at Sugar and Spice

Jenny at I am an Organized Mommy

Becca at Mommy of 9 (1)

Becky at From Ministry to Motherhood

Have a great day! And be sure to stop by and say hi to the ladies at these other blogs.

Learning Contentment

image found here

Something strange has been happening over the last few months. I have been yearning for my 'dream house' less and appreciating our imperfect, little house more.

I think I was first concious of this shift back when we had to vacate our house for two nights while my husband was deer hunting. Our carbon monoxide detector kept going off, we couldn't figure out why, and so to be safe we spent one night with my in-law's and one night at my parent's house.

I just wanted to be home. And, when we came back home it felt so good.

The other time I noticed a shift in my thinking was shortly after this. I love to check out real estate listings for our area on-line. I've always been fascinated by houses & love to see what the insides of other houses look like. The real estate site I go to lists the houses details, along with pictures or a virtual tour. It's kinda addicting.

I would go to this site, type in a search listing all the things on my wish list, and see what came up. Then I'd find myself wishing we were in a position to buy another place NOW.

But more recently, when I'd go to this site and try to imagine our family in some of these houses, and imagine what it would be like to leave THIS house, our home, I just felt a little sad.

And, here's the other shift. Lately, instead of seeing and lamenting all the glaring imperfections of our house, I've been noticing it's charm. And, most of the charm comes from watching my boys interact in our house. This is the only home any of them have ever known.

When I was at my parent's house over the holidays I was thinking about how as a child I don't ever remember wishing we had a bigger or nicer house. My parents have a very modest rancher style home. And, to me it was always just home.

In the same way, my boys don't care that our house doesn't meet the 'standards' of this society and culture. To them, it's just home.

Another thing that really struck me was when Dwyanna from Sugar and Spice posted pictures from the little town near where she and her husband live in Guatemala. Take a look at these pictures if you have a minute or two. It's all about perspective. Much of that town is living in houses smaller than the average American bedroom. By American standards my house is small, substandard. By that town's standards my house is luxurious.

Finally, I've been really convicted by this thought. How ungrateful and selfish of me to whine or complain about the home God has given us! How would I react if one of my children told me a gift that I had given them wasn't good enough? What if all I heard was how they wanted something different, bigger, better? Isn't this exactly what I've been doing to God?

It could be that someday God might have that stone farmhouse on acreage in a quiet, serene area in store for us. Or not. I don't know. But, I need to care for, appreciate, and be a good steward of what He's given us now. Because, if I can't learn contentment now, it won't matter where we are discontentment will follow.

Vintage Chic Giveaway

I gave you all a little teaser on Saturday about this giveaway. If you missed that post you can go back and read a little more about Vintage Chic Boutique.

The short version of the story (if you don't have time to go back and read the original post) is that I discovered a really cute little store near me. I went to visit it for the first time on Saturday and I couldn't resist picking up some things. And, I'd like to share something with you!

I'm giving you a choice of two items. So, if you win, you'll have to let me know which one you'd like to make yours.

Here they are....

10x5 inch 'Blessing' plaque

11x6 1/2 inch "Spring Fever" canvas print on wood frame

If you would like to try for a chance to win here's how...

1 entry - check out Vintage Chic Boutique's site and let me know what you like there.

1 entry - tell me which of the giveaway options is your favorite

3 entries - provide a link to this giveaway on your blog

Please leave a separate comment for each entry. All entries must be submitted by 11:59 p.m Sunday, 1/23/11. I will announce the winner next Monday, 1/24. Good luck!

While I have your attention, I have to share pics of my boys!

Joseph's favorite play area

Charlie 'reading' books in a rare quiet moment

Edison and Wyatt looked so cute warming themselves while sitting on the radiator. Of course, as soon as the camera came out they decided they needed to push each other.

Oh, and by the way, having a menu plan last week (albeit just jotted on a piece of paper) worked so well for me that I decided to try it again this week. You can find it listed on my sidebar. Also, you'll see some weight loss goals I've listed there as well. Putting these out there will hopefully help me stay focused.

Have a great day!

A Snapshot In Time

My husband's cousin posted this picture on facebook today and I just had to share it.

From what I can understand it was taken on the day my husband's grandparent's farm was sold. The picture is of a few of the cousins lined up on the fence (It really is just a few...there are 40 some cousins all together).

Can you guess which one is my husband?

He's the one on the far left with no shirt. Some things never change.

Stay Tuned....

I just discovered the cutest little shop on-line and was thrilled to find out that it is local to me. It's called Vintage Chic Boutique. This is how they describe their store on their web page...

"Welcome! If you appreciate “Shabby Chic”, Cottage, French Country, Romantic, or Victorian décor, you will surely adore the unique vintage-inspired pieces we feature. Many of our items are one-of-a-kind handmade designs. Our boutique aims to add charm, elegance, and a bit of whimsy to your home and life."

I had a rare hour to myself this morning so I decided to drive on over and check them out. I had so much fun browsing and shopping (having the opportunity to browse...to really LOOK at what they had without having 4 boys in tow was a real treat, something I hardly ever get to do.).

The best part? Their prices are super reasonable. Sometimes when you hear the word 'boutique' you can almost guarantee prices will be inflated. Not so at this store. They are definitely affordable.

I was sad that the plaque I had seen on their on-line site and that I was specifically looking for had just sold out. But, the owner (at least I assumed she was the owner, and now I feel terrible for not asking her name) was very helpful, took my information, and said that she would look to see if they were still available from her supplier. Now that's customer service!

I still found a couple little items I couldn't resist picking up. AND, I decided to do a GIVEAWAY for my readers with one of the treasures I bought.

So, be sure to check back on Monday when I will officially announce my giveaway and unveil the which of the treasures you could win!

In the meantime, have a great weekend!

A Simple Request

I'm taking a break from what I had planned to write today. I will pick up with the list of topics I posted yesterday sometime next week.

For today, I am passing on the word about a follow blogger who needs our prayers. I found out about this through Thy Hand's blog. And, I'm asking if you would pray and perhaps help spread the word too.

Joanne Heim of The Simple Wife suffered a major stroke on Tuesday morning. She is only 38 years old. I've only been to her blog a few times. But, I've always been struck by her heart for the Lord. Please pray for her and her family.

There is power in prayer!