I'm done beating myself up about my consistent failures. When I do that I only sink deeper into the hole of self-loathing. Am I disappointed in myself? Am I frustrated? Absolutely.
But, here's the thing. I could wallow in that. I could sit and lament how far I'd be by this point if I'd just stayed on track. I could be angry at myself for gaining back all the weight that I worked so hard to lose last year. I could convince myself that I'm doomed to repeat this pattern of lose, gain, lose, gain for the rest of my life.
OR I can set my face forward in hope rather than looking back in regret. I can pick myself up and start over knowing that God doesn't love me any less for my failings. And, He's always willing....eager actually....to strengthen me as I turn to Him.
I had mentioned that I had started keeping a small journal of 'words' or reminders that I felt like God was giving me. I looked back at that journal and found an entry from February. I remember I'd been having a particularly rough day with my kids that day. And, I know I was feeling extremely low. I was feeling like a failure. Much like I could easily allow myself to feel now.
But, as I read through that entry, I was refreshed and encouraged once again. Here's just a few of the things I had written down...things I felt God was saying to me.
- I am here.
- I'm always here.
- Keep seeking me. It won't always be easy.
- Remember all that I have done for you. My purposes will stand.
- No shame. Only moving forward.
- I am a gentle Father.
I am claiming these today as promises. I am thanking God for his faithfulness even when I'm faithless.
Galatians 5:22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
I Thessalonians 5:6 "So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled."
1Thessalonians 5:8 "But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet."
1 Peter 1:13 "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed."
Again, I feel weak. I don't know how to achieve this self-control that God so obviously wants for my life. But, I know that I can ask Him to help me in this area. And, so that is what I plan to do.
What are my goals? What will the daily changes look like in my live? Well, here are few of my goals for each area where I know I lack self-control.
Food issues - Eat mainly a plant-based diet with small to moderate amounts of meat & dairy
- Avoid most processed sugars
- Eat mostly whole foods. Avoid processed/ packaged foods.
- Avoid preservatives, food dyes, & artificial sweeteners.
- Only drink alcohol occassionally
- Incorporate exercise into my life
- Spend less time on Facebook, watching tv, surfing the internet.
- Create a general game plan for the day.
- Start to formulate patterns for my days, weeks, months
- Embrace opportunities to spend time with my kiddos rather than looking at them as interruptions.
Anger/ Dealing with my children
- Begin my day with an attitude of thankfulness (even when I don't feel like it.)
- Invite God into my day & my day's activities each morning.
- 'Catch' my kids doing good things. Let them know when I see that.
- When I feel angry or frustrated, be conscious of using and even, calm voice rather than yelling (which only exacerbates the situation)
Pray. Pray. Pray.