That Same Old Weight

Today I have a different type of post than I've done in recent years. But I need to begin to record my thoughts somewhere. And to work through this area of my life.  It's one of those things I thought I would have victory over long ago.  But here I am.

This is what unhappiness looks like.  My unhappiness comes out in overeating, over drinking 🍷, not moving enough, and not doing enough.  It looks like fat, a cluttered house, and a cluttered foggy mind, and a mom/wife who is always angry and easily irritated.  I really don't want to live like this anymore.
I'm not sure what the answer is.  I've tried and tried and tried and failed and failed and failed.
I am terrified that I am going to continue to gain weight.  Completely out of control.  I'm already at my highest ever weight.  I'm not even sure what it is because I'm terrified to step on the scale and see.  I'm guessing it's somewhere around 225-230.
I can't hardly drag myself up and down my stairs.  I get out of breath quickly.  My knees and hips and feet hurt.  My clothes don't fit.  I hate my body.
I turn 50 in 2020.  And I want to be different by 50.
I don't even know how to get there.
But here's my first step.
I'm acknowledging that I am this way because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I am this way.
I guess step 2 will be getting to the root of my unhappiness.
And we'll go from there.