Friday, January 23, 2015

To Tell The Truth

I have a child who lies fairly consistently.  It's usually over fairly mundane things like saying he's practiced his instrument when he hasn't, or that he's taken a shower when he hasn't.  He will also lie about about things like hurting his brother.  A brother will come to me crying saying that he hit him or hurt him in some way and he'll insist up and down that he didn't do it.   And, sometimes I was standing right there and SAW it happen.

I know that children will try to get away with this kind of thing from time to time.  But, the thing is most children 'fess up when they are confronted.  My son will swear quite passionately and vehemently that he's telling the truth....when I KNOW he's not.  He becomes angry and yells that I never believe him.  And that's the problem, I often don't because I really don't know when I can believe him.

We've tried talking about trust and how lying destroys trust.  I have to be honest.  I probably haven't had a sit down with him when we're both calm.  Usually this is the kind of thing I say to him when we're in the heat of the moment and both of us are upset.

I also have to admit that this is the child that I kind of tiptoe around on eggshells.  There.  Can I be honest? When he was younger he would have extreme temper tantrums.  He still can become very, very angry.  And then I get angry.  And, it just gets ugly.  So, when he's happy (and when he's happy he is seriously the sweetest engaging and charismatic and fascinating) I try not to do anything to rock the boat.

I guess those are the two areas I'm most concerned about for him....lying and anger.  I don't want them to take root in his life.  I feel partially responsible for the anger.  I feel like my children have been reflecting back some of the anger they've seen from me.  And, I'm working on that.  But, it's so so hard.  And, if it's hard for me, an adult...who should have a better handle on self control, how much harder will it be for my children?

So, what are some things I can do to help my child...specifically with the issue of telling the truth?

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