What Do I Have to Offer?

What do I have to offer?

At the age of 48....no longer a fresh young thing.

No longer confident or strong.

Weak in my failings and my lack of motivation.

Overweight.  Brain under stimulated.

No idea what to do or how to do it.

The things I love and enjoy do not make money

At least not enough to garner respect.

I sometimes think I should be harder.

More ruthless.

Or at least more assertive....self assured.

I've always wanted to be special.

Special in some way that others recognized as well.

Don't we all love a superhero.

I want to be super at something.

Once I thought that was my ability with children.

Having my own humbled me.

Not as talented as I once thought I was.

But, I still felt as though I was finally fulfilling my purpose in some way.

Is there more?

More purpose?

Do I have more to offer?

Or am I done?

At our church they are often talking about destinies.

Our God ordained destinies.

Discovering our destiny.

And, it sometimes seems they are speaking to the young.

They are the ones with destiny.

What about us middle aged souls?

Do we still have destiny to discover?

Or are we a day late and a dollar short?

What if....

What if the things I longed for (a bigger house, more recognition as a writer... as a person, more standing in this world, more money, more fun, more....)

What if God is saying 'no' to those things and 'yes' to something I can't yet see.....something I can't understand.

What if God wants me to surrender my dreams.

All of it.

What if what I have to offer is my heart.

What if.

What if just offering God the little I have to give was enough.

What if my destiny is being small

Small for the glory of God.

I must become less.  He becomes more.

John said that.

And, I guess so do we all.

We are less

He is more.

It's so counter intuitive.

It goes against the grain of the American dream.

Work hard.  Strive.  And, strive some more.

Not that working hard is bad.

But, when we do it to fulfill ourselves...

we fill a bottomless pit,

impossible to satisfy.

But when we do it to serve God,

nothing is too small to bring glory to Him.

Our meager offerings,

our widow's mite

become a treasure

countless as the stars.

More brilliant,  more enticing,  more satisfying

than we can imagine.

What do I have to offer?

Not much.

But, it is His.