Weekly Check in...New Habits

Ah.  Where to begin?

Well, this week was one of those two steps backwards kind of weeks.  I again had allowed myself a few small exceptions....all in the name of moderation.  And, really that would have been fine.

But, when I did my weekly weigh in on Saturday morning, those 3 pounds that took five weeks to lose had re-appeared.  I was SO frustrated.  How could so much work be completely undone in one week's time when I thought I was learning moderation.

And, here's where I went wrong.  I allowed this to anger me, frustrate me, and upset me so much that for the rest of the weekend I threw in the towel.  I let myself have whatever I wanted.  And, guess what.   It didn't make me feel better.  (Well, except the coffee - I really did savor that cup of coffee!)

I also broke down this weekend and went and bought a couple pairs of larger pants.  I'd been squeezing myself into my biggest pairs of jeans that I had and still was totally pinched and uncomfortable.  And, you know, that had been making  me even more irritable.

Last night as I was at a class at church, I was wearing one of my new (and very comfortable) pairs of pants.  I felt good...and able to focus on things other than the discomfort I'd be feeling if I was still wearing those tight pants.   And the thought occurred to me that I've been more or less punishing myself by forcing myself into too tight, uncomfortable pants.  I suppose I thought that if I didn't buy anything larger I wouldn't get any larger.  But, the fact is, I was only making myself miserable.

And, we were talking about God's love last night.  Can we really comprehend how much He loves us?  As I continued to think about my too-tight pants (I know.  Deep theological thoughts), I had to ask myself 'Does God want me to punish myself?  Does he want me walking around with self-loathing?'  Of course not!

He loves me no matter what my size.  Don't get me wrong.  I know He wants to do a work in my heart.  I know He wants to break off the chains of abusing food, of loving food more than Him.  But, He is a gentle Father.  And by me buying into the lies that I'm a failure or that I'm never going to get a grip on this area in my life, I'm giving the enemy ground in my life.

All this to say, this week I'm not posting any new goals.  I may try to refocus on the goals from the past weeks.  But, even more than that, I want to spend this week pressing in to God, remembering His love for me....seeking Him.

I'm fairly certain that more I focus on Him and His Goodness....the more I seek His Presence, the more the things of this world grow dim.  And, as He fills me with His Spirit, I will feel less desire to fill myself with other things.