There is a strange calm uneasiness, a numb restlessness that has settled on my soul.
I know those words don't go together, but I'm not sure how else to describe it.
In any other time of my life I might have described it as a cautious hope. But, in my current mindset, I can't help but look at it through a slightly negative filter.
Maybe this is what coming to the end of yourself looks like. Maybe this is the absolute inability to see the way forward that precipitates surrender. True surrender to God and His will.
Maybe this is good.
I'm just not sure. And, I don't know exactly what to do with it.
It comes with a certain sadness....like I've lost a part of myself. But, maybe it's to make room for something new.
Ah, see...maybe I haven't completely lost the ability to look at this through a positive lens.
Maybe there is still hope deep within these bones.
Maybe these are growing pains.
