John and I are in a major transition in our lives right now. We made a decision that, on the surface, seems incredibly reckless, rash, and irresponsible. But, it involved years of prayer and a really intense season of prayer and seeking God within this past year.
John left his job. And, he doesn't currently have another one lined up.
He is essentially the sole breadwinner for our family. I bring in some supplemental income with my hobby business of buying and selling vintage/ antique items. But, it's not much. Sometimes it's enough to cover the groceries or the gas.
So, why would we decide to do something like this?
It's so hard to put into words everything that has led up to this. John has been feeling unsettled at his job (a family business) for a long time.
A recent personality profile that he took defined him as a 'Maverick'. He's a risk taker, a problem solver, someone who works well in high pressure and unfamiliar surroundings. He's got a sense of adventure, someone with broad vision, someone driven. But he can be bogged down by details and rules and tends to color outside the lines/ think outside the box.
He once envisioned himself in the mission field...not necessarily in an evangelistic capacity...but rather as the guy who could go in and fix what needed to be fixed, get done what needed to be done, to support the missionaries on the field and their communities.
That desire to accomplish the things that God made him capable of accomplishing has been reawakened in John. And, he's been looking for ways to make that happen.
I am the complete opposite of him in many ways. Where he thrives in change, I dread it. I am not the risk taker, I am the risk avoider. I like the safe places - the familiar and secure. Even for John, Mr. Adventure, the familiar and the comfortable became a safe place....an easy place to stay.
So, it's even more strange that I'm the one who first suggested to John that perhaps for God to open the next door in our lives, he was asking us to shut the one to the familiar and comfortable first. That He wanted us in a position where we had to trust Him completely and fully.
There were other factors in our decision as well. I don't need to detail them all here. But, John found himself growing increasingly stressed, irritable, and bitter over situations he felt powerless to change. That stress was spilling over into our family. And, we had to take a good hard look at what we valued the most. On one side was stability and security - but at a price that was constantly rising. On the other side was our family and the ways God is leading us - but with an incredible jump of faith.
We chose the jump of faith.
There is always resistance to faith. You can count on it. The enemy loves nothing more than to plant seeds of doubt, confusion, and fear in the freshly tilled earth where we are growing our faith.
Fear has always been a huge factor in my life. It has been at the crux of so many choices and decisions. I naturally seem to look at what could go wrong, ways to fail, the worst case scenarios. And, I have held back from opportunities and choices where the risk seemed too high.
Fear paralyzes. It keeps us from moving forward and facing the unknown.
I've been re-reading a book that I came across years ago. It's called Radical, by David Platt. The tagline is Taking back your faith from the American dream. In it, he hits hard on some of the things that we as American Christians have assimilated into our faith that are not necessarily Biblical principles, but more so American principles.
Some of those things include the theology of comfort and prosperity. He challenges that by reminding us of some of the very radical things Jesus said about dying to ourselves, suffering for His sake, and giving of ourselves sacrificially.
It's not exactly easy stuff to read.
But, it also has been stirring something in me and making me ask myself how I can best serve God with what is left of my life.
(To Be Continued)
